A Capitalist Brew

First thing this morning I met with the memo-sending committee member who informed me that none of his comments meant that he had any intention of voting against me in the defense.  He said that he made those comments as points to address in order to improve the paper.  We discussed which points were not things he expected done now because those changes would take more than a day or two to address.  At the end of the meeting he assured me that I have his vote and that I will see him on Wednesday.  I left feeling like the world was okay again and that this was all actually going to happen now.  Well, I never actually doubted that the Ph.D. would happen, but I had pretty much resigned myself to rescheduling.  Now I just need to finish, prepare for the presentation, and wonder what will happen if Professor Who Hates Me shows up to try to make me cry one last time (because he has a history of showing up at most final defenses and causing grief).  Z has promised me that he will take care of my concerns over the last item.  I can picture Z telling him to shut his pie hole only in words not that polite.  Another nice thing that happened was my co-author sent me a Youtube link to a nice, inspirational song to help me make it to the finish line.  I think I am going to make it now.

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I am making progress with the requested changes to the dissertation.  I have even gone so far as to employ the services of my husband as a research assistant.  I am meeting with the rogue committee member on Thursday morning and hope to come out of the meeting with a plan of action for the rest of the week.  My stress level is very high.
The kind people of Florida did not vote for Rudy Giuliani.  Of course, if I were in their shoes I may also have been tempted to throw my support to McCain just to keep Romney from winning.  Still, I feel like my hopes and dreams have been dashed.  I guess that tells you most of what you need to know about my political leanings.

Luke was supposed to go to the big city pediatric cardiologist today, but they called this morning to say the doctor was sick.  The first time they could reschedule is 6 weeks from now.  I was really hoping to finally get some answers about his heart murmer today and feel less anxiety about it.

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This morning I went into the office to talk to Z about the memo from one of the dissertation committee members.  By the time we were done, we had spent 5 hours going round and round on the memo.  We talked to two other committee members numerous times and examined several plans for dealing with the memo.  By the time I left the office today, I had not used the ladies room or eaten anything in over 8 hours.  (I did manage to grab a latte though.)  I left the office feeling like I am likely to start smoking, drinking, or punching things in the next week to deal with the stress.  And the worst part of the whole thing might be that after all that time, we still don’t have an answer or solution.  And I have no idea how I am going to make all of these changes before the defense.  Anything other than work seems to be out of the question…and then I still may only finish with some luck.  I am hoping that we don’t have to postpone the defense, but it certainly seems likely at this point.  Unfortunately, it just may take another week or two to iron out the details.  I am feeling on the verge of defeat today, and I am thinking that maybe I need to go search itunes for that Chumbawumba song that was so popular during my senior year at Delaware.  I get knocked down, but I get up again…and back to work I go.

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I am feeling a little better today.  However, I lost a whole weekend day since I spent the morning at a kid’s birthday party yesterday.  That meant today I needed to do the grocery shopping, cooking, 500 loads of laundry, extra organizing and paperwork, and take care of the mounds of junk in Luke’s closet that plummeted to the floor when the closet shelf gave way two days ago.  I am exhausted and not quite ready to face Monday.

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I felt fine this morning when I took Brooke to a birthday party for two of her friends.  Then I came home and all of a sudden felt very bad.  I have been getting a little extra rest with the help of Scott and started taking Zicam.  Hopefully I can kick this out of my system by tomorrow.

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I am aware that I have a reputation for not being the nicest person on the face of the earth.  It’s not that I am not nice but rather that I tend be serious, introverted, brainy, tough, and a bit of a bi**ch when events warrant it.  Of course, a lot of people who don’t really know anything about me probably just think that I am the last of those things.  Give me a break, I am from New Jersey!  What do you expect?  Just the fact that I am from New Jersey probably labels me as such in this state.  I don’t really mind the reputation because the people that get to know me are allowed in to see the softer, nicer side.  This is the side that today decided to stop at Starbucks on the way to pick Brooke up at preschool.  It was in the 30s here at noon, and I thought the two directors who stand outside for 30 minutes during carpool could probably use a nice warm drink.  They were very appreciative and talking about how nice I was.  I begged them not to let the word get out because it would ruin my reputation.

If only a certain committee member could have been so nice.  I got a memo today listing all of his concerns/suggestions about the last two essays.  I am meeting with Z on Monday to discuss them.  I am not sure how much of this we will need to deal with before the defense and how much is more of a suggestion to consider before sending the papers out to a journal.  For the most part, I am taking it as constructive criticism since nothing really implied that there might be a serious problem with anything that I had done.  Just another twist to keep things interesting on the final steps down the road towards the Ph.D., I guess.

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Tomorrow morning is my first time stepping back in front of the class in almost 6 months.  I guess I am glad to be doing it, but I wish I were better prepared.  I received a rather vague description of my role in teaching this course, I am not sure what all I am supposed to cover, and I can’t find some of the notes I really wanted to teach from tomorrow.  I will just see how it goes tomorrow and figure out what I need to do differently for next week.

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I am trying to add a countdown widget to the sidebar, but the number of days is coming up as 11 rather than 14.  I checked that I input the correct date and that Wordpress is showing the correct date in its configuration.  The source of the problem is unclear to me, but I guess I could always try to trick the clock by putting in a date three days ahead of the actual date.  I will try to get it figured out and working tonight.

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My final dissertation defense is scheduled for the morning of February 6.  I have a good amount of work to do in preparation, but I feel confidant that I will emerge victorious.  Unfortunately, I have to admit that I don’t know what to do with myself in this new phase.  I spent all my free time over the weekend lying on the bed watching tv (which really was not much but is still not the point).  I have not done work in days.  I am lazy not really because I want to be lazy but rather because I feel kind of at a loss as to what the next step should be.  All of these years and years have been in preparation of this very place where I am now.  Yet, I never stopped to think much about what would come next.  I don’t really know what to do and how to live when the dissertation is done.  And so I have spent my time lying in bed watching tv and wondering about what comes next.  I have been trying to come up with a concrete plan of attack and vision for what I want my life to be.

I am thinking that this new phase of life should include something for myself and preferably something that will get me active and eliminating stress.  I would like to pick up running again so that I could get back to the point where training for a marathon would be an option.  I have also been thinking about taking up taekwondo.  Brooke started taekwondo last week, and I think it would be something fun to share.  It also seems like it is the closest thing to what I loved about Army ROTC that is achievable at this stage in my life.  I always wanted to take karate as a kid, and I guess that I could still do it now.

As for my research beyond the dissertation, I am still not sure how to approach that and what my plan of attack should be.  I have to do a little work on the last essay and plan to get that under review as soon as possible.  I have a little work I want to do on the second essay before it goes under review.  I need a new plan of attack with the first essay.  I also have two other papers that I want to start.  One has data and can be thrown together fairly quickly, so that should probably be next on the list.  I am not sure yet how I can best manage several projects at one time.  These are the things they don’t teach you in school, and I am just starting to work through.  I guess I need to keep some kind of formal notes and schedule or something.

In totally unrelated news, I am sad about Heath Ledger’s untimely demise.  Scott called me when he heard it on the radio this afternoon knowing that I am a big fan and would be saddened.  It is tragic, and I know I will miss that big smile of his.

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Today we are supposed to be getting 1-2 inches of snow in a place that has not seen a flake of snow since 2000. We are excited and at the ready!

8:20 am report: We saw some sleet accumulation overnight, and now the snow just started falling. There are lots of wide little eyes peering out the windows.

1:00 pm report: We enjoyed a morning full of catching snowflakes on our tongues, spinning in the falling snow, throwing little snowballs, and walking through the neighborhood in the falling snow.  We only had about 1/2 an inch of snow accumulate, and sadly, that started melting as soon as the snow stopped falling.  It is nearly all gone now.

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