A Capitalist Brew

I have made very little progress on my third essay this week and lay the blame on Stata.  Monday, I loaded in my data file and found that it kept dropping the two main variables of interest in my paper.  I worked for the next 24 hours to reformat sections of the data and tried again to load the file.  Tuesday, no better luck.  Wednesday was more of the same.  On Thursday I finally got Stata to successfully load the two main variables of interest…only to drop two new variables that will now prohibit me from running the necessary two-stage least squares model.  I have no clue why those variables are being dropped.  There are no missing variables or formatting differences.  I also have SPSS on my office computer and can successfully load the data and run the model using it.  So, I am contemplating an outright abandon of Stata for now in favor of actually getting results and being able to finish the paper before Christmas.

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Having accepted a job and feeling the urge to return to my research after a 2 month job search hiatus (further urged on by an anxious co-author/committee member), I decided that I would take advantage of the empty office over Thanksgiving and get some real work done.  The fates, however, had other plans.  I could not get into the office because my card was not accepted by the card reader (this predicament goes back to the installation of a new system earlier in the semester which was supposed to be resolved by my acquisition of a new card…evidently not).  I could not do the work at home because (1) there are crazy kids at home and (2) I don’t have Stata on my home computer (which I vow to resolve in the coming months).  I took this as a sign that I should take the time to unwind a little.  So, I enjoyed time with my family, did some shopping at the mall with my daughter and at the new Ann Taylor Loft which just opened, visited the new Starbucks that finally opened in this under-caffeinated excuse for a college town, played the Sims 2, watched If Lucy Fell and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, cooked a turkey for my family to enjoy (which my daughter referred to as our feast), and generally lived a life away from the all-consuming Ph.D. drama.  I felt like a real person again for just a short time.  Now it time to resume the all-out sprint to the end.  Three more months to go.

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Yes, I took a job in Mississippi.  Yes, Mississippi was low on my list of places I want to live.  Yet, the job in Mississippi was the best choice.  For one, the pay was good.  The pay would have been the same or lower at schools in Maryland, California, or Tennessee (my other options) even though cost of living would be higher.  Second, the school in Mississippi offered a reduced teaching load for my first two years, which is something none of the other options would negotiate.  Reduced teaching load is very important to getting your research off the ground in the early years.  Third, I will be the head of the real estate program at the school in Mississippi.  That is a pretty cool opportunity as a freshly minted Ph.D.  Fourth, the transition to this school will be a relatively easy one for the entire family, and I also think this school will be completely understanding of my choice to move onto a better place in the future.

I write all of this as a note to myself as much as a note to my readers.  I am worried that I may second guess my choice in the future, but I know that as of today I made the best choice I could.  My choice is also not for lack of opportunity.  I interviewed with 12 school at the conference in October.  Two of those schools decided not to hire in real estate this year.  Another school decided to cut me out of the running because they wanted me to take the offer I have in hand.  Of the remaining 9 schools, I had campus visits at 2 schools and was called as a finalist to come to campus at five other schools.  This is far better than the average candidate, and there is no way I can conclude my job search was anything less than successful.  It should be even better the next time when I have the degree in hand, experience, and publications.

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• “essay on why i am thankful for my children” (I am so, so thankful that I have two wonderfully beautiful children with amazing personalities.  I hope this comes through in my blog from time to time.  I am extremely blessed as a mother.)
• “james color nick arrojo” (I do happen to adore Nick Arrojo.  Having Nick style my hair is one of my fantasies.)
• “non-procrastinator” (While I do generally find myself to be pretty good at the art of non-procrastination, it is something I struggle with each day and is generally not a topic with which I would associate my blog.  The Google gods must think differently.)

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Today I decided to accept my current job offer and called the school to let them know.  I still need to sign and return some paperwork, but it is otherwise official.

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I spent two full days driving to and from Charleston for a conference and had a lot of time to think.  I also had a lot of good people act as sounding boards for my job search questions.  There were a lot of annoying people who asked the same questions about “How is the market?”, “Did you have a lot of fly-outs?” and “Who did you talk to and do you know where you are going?”  I suppose that those are not horrible questions, but they are difficult to answer over and over again when you are feeling so much exhaustion and angst over those very things.  I did have moments of clarity a few times over the course of the conference…followed by more periods of confusion.  Finally I think I have hit a time of resolution.  I think I just need to accept the offer in hand and move on because nothing that I want more is in the cards.  Of course, I still reserve the right to change my mind over the next few days.  I am horrible about settling on these kinds of decisions.  I will remind my readers that when deciding on a college for the first time, I ended up pulling a name out of a hat.

I saw very little of Charleston, but it seemed like a nice place where I hope to return.  I was happy to see the Trademark Properties location right across the street from my hotel (for those of you who have seen the show The Real Estate Professionals, of which Scott and I are big fans).  Other than that, not too much.  I did have a good time catching up with and meeting colleagues.  I got some good input on the paper I presented, discussed two papers, and chaired a session.  I got some very exciting initial results on data with my co-author and discussed new projects with him.  I was approached about some future positions that might open up at other schools in another year or two.  Overall, the conference was successful, and I have to say that I really love my job and career choice.  I guess that is why I am so anxious to decide on a job and get back to work.  I do feel lucky.  I am going to get paid a lot of money to do something I love, and I get to work with people who I really like.  It is fun to be a part of such a wonderful group of people who are so much like me.  It doesn’t get much better.

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I wish that the offer letters and decision about what to do with the job market had turned out as easy as that famous quote from The Godfather.  If I had that offer I could not refuse, life would be simple.  I would get a fabulous offer from the school of my dreams, and I would say “yes, yes, yes!”  Unfortunately, the job market did not turn out that way for me.  I mentioned in a previous post that I was feeling disappointed and a little like a failure, but I know that should not have been the case.  I have not gotten a lot of interest from the caliber of school or first geographic preference, but I have done well.  I had a full slate of interviews at the conference, and I have made the final cut of candidates at close to every one of those schools.  The schools where I did not make the cut made the decision not to hire in my area or at all right now, so it had nothing to do with me.  You have to consider that to be a success.  Still, the problem is that my current offer is not the one I simply can’t refuse.  I am left deciding if it is good enough and if the pros outweigh the cons.  Essentially, I decide to take this offer or decide not to take it and take a bunch of campus visits at other schools hoping to find a sweeter deal.  I am not sure that such a deal or offer is in the cards this time, and thus I am thinking the fine offer in hand might be the one I decide I should not refuse.  I am off to a conference for the rest of the week and hope that I have a clear feeling on what to do.

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Four years ago today I met someone who would change my life forever.  Four years ago I became the mother to a wonderful little girl.  She was so tiny and had such a rough time making it into the world, but she was perfect and showed us from the very beginning that she was a fighter.  She was beautiful and strong, and you could tell from the look in her eyes that she was smart.  Everyone commented on how alert she looked and how she just seemed to know what was going on around her.  Sometimes she will let me hold her and gaze into her eyes for just a second, and I remember how I spent hours doing just that when she was a newborn baby in my arms.  I love watching the girl she is becoming even though it is hard to let her go a little more with each passing year.  She is the girly girl I never was and never will be, but I can let her be a princess or a fairy today if that is what she wants.  Our girl will be the one dressed in the tutu and a crown who is dancing her heart out, riding her bike as fast as she can, or climbing and leaping without fear (most of the time).  She loves preschool, ballet, dolls, books, coloring, Minnie Mouse, Spongebob, and being with her family.  She is sweet, sensitive, thoughtful, and loving.  She is the first person I see in the morning.  She is my little girl, and I am so grateful that I get to be her mommy.

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My debit card works, I have a job offer, I am making moderate progress on my research, I have a fabulously fun birthday party planned for my daughter this weekend, and I have two work trips planned this month to places I have never been.  Life is not bad.

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The weekend was a very rough time for me.  I got some news that left me feeling disappointed and a little like a failure.  While logic told me that it was silly to feel this way, I still could not help myself from wanting to crawl up under the covers and hide for a while.  On top of this, my debit card stopped working and I could not contact my bank until Monday to find out why.  It turned out to be that some mundane and regular charges somehow got flagged for fraud.  Not knowing what was going on really had me sick and unable to sleep or eat for the whole weekend.  But Monday is a new day and this is a new week.  I am determined to keep moving forward and keep trying to see the sunshine through the darkness.  I have so much to be thankful for and really nothing worthy of unhappiness.  So, I trudge ahead enjoying the brisk air, the shades of fall, and all that I have today.  I will even be thankful for the work today.

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